some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
