So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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