Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i now understand why vodka
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
