you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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