I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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