Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
