new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
