i think my tv is drunk
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
