Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
