i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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