my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i believe in u and ur pee
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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