We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
