He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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