When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
