Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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