Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
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