The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
