I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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