This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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