i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
