dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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