You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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