Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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