Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
