You're completely useless in the revolution.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
