I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
