That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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