Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
