Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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