i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
