Betty ford says i'm here all night
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize