Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
