i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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