Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We left the knife in your bed.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize