whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
