Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize