Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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