I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just saw a hot homeless man
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
