So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
