Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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