I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
