i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
