I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just want to make out with him forever
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
