There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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