My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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