Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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