3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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