If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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