DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize