btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
