I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
well you can't waste a boner
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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