It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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