they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
