my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
