i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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