i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
