I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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