Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
