hotel room ftw
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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