how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
