Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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