Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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