This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
