dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
