Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
