I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
