the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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