my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
