I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
