Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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