I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
