Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
