you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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