It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
