we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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